Sometimes I am crawling in my own skin and am not sure how to make it stop. I need something to calm me, console me, but am not sure what that is. Or how to go about getting it. I'm not good at taking or even asking for what it is that I need. Instead I send my friends crazy text messages informing them that I am a crazy person and then proceed to tell them why. Texting has provided me an outlet to express the things that I sometimes physically can not get out otherwise. But thank you friend for offering to give me what I need in a completely non-lesbian way. That meant a lot.
Normally I just shut down until the storm within my little heart and mind passes and I can be chill Sarah again that doesn't burden others with her absurdities anymore. Because it's not me that feels that way. Or at least I don't feel like me when I am that way. (It's those danged voices in my head......okay not really, just the one voice).
I'm the person that doesn't let things get to her. That is happy with herself and her situation. That is hopelessly optimistic to a sickening sense. But not without my cynicism. Which is usually laced with positive thinking anyhow.
I prefer to be there for others and am not so great at needing. It makes me crazy. There are some people that can vouch for me on that. That when I do ask for attention, it is over ridiculous things because I get to a point where I really don't know what it is that is making me so unsettled and I attribute it to the matter at hand. Which is usually something pretty completely absurd. All that aside, this was my own doing this time. I have no one to blame but myself. You can just call me Self Sabotaging Sarah. Has a nice ring to it, eh? I kinda love alliteration.