Friday, April 13, 2007

Catch the Wave

My thoughts as of late have been many and not all worth sharing to tell the truth. My head and heart have run the gamut of self pity, followed by gratitude, self-loathing, confusion, inspiration, motivation, desperation, and hope. Pretty much I've been a train wreck of sorts, so you might want to steer clear, but I wouldn't mind some company at least during the hopeful moments, and also the tragic ones if you wouldnt mind so much.

I realize that I am way too easy going for my own good, which probably leads to these moments of quiet desperation. Things don't faze me so much. Usually. I deal. I see trials as opportunities, I truly believe that this too shall pass, and everything will be as it should. I hold tight to the principle that God gives us and shows us our weaknesses so that we might become stronger. I've seen it in my life so many times. I embrace my imperfections and hardly look back, but rather forward. Each day a new beginning. And I realize that I have far to go, but am more often than not confident in my capacity at reaching the goal, as painstaking a process as it might be.

What bothers more than anything is the void. Inexplicable at times, but more than anything that void of having someone who is on the same wavelength as yourself and loving you for it. Or rather not having it. A person who sees the strength in me when I do not, and forgives me my weaknesses. Who thinks I'm funny. Because I have my humorous moments. The human condition, or perhaps it's not so human as an immortal one, that craves the connection to someone other than those that have always known and loved you. That are attracted to your current state. To what your formative years have made you. And I'm talking more than having the same taste in movies and music. It seems to boil down to that so much now. Single, check. Attraction, check. No leprosy, does not see a date as a pre proposal, can read, check. Oh, but you thought School of Rock was entertaining, and I just don't get Jack Black's humor......done, finito.

I'm not saying that common interest and sense of humour aren't key, because oh how they are (I really tried not to judge that guy who didn't find SoR all). I'm just looking for a same wavelength that extends past knowing all the same quotes to Will Ferrell's filmography.
One where we notice the same simple pleasures and absurdities in life.

And lest you be mislead, I'm not merely talking about dating/marriage/the opposite sex here. I know everyone assumes that is all I have to move towards in life, and it is a goal...someday. In the meantime, I long to establish relationships with those like minded as myself, or just complimentary to my mind. Seriously chill people. Who don't get weirded out by weird things/people, but rather enjoy them. With me. That's all I ask. Not too much me thinks.

(Not really what I was going for, but that's what my fingertips produced).


Rachel said...

Funny thing, I know being family and all I don't really qualify as one of those people for you...(wink)...yet this is somewhat how I have been feeling lately. And was feeling a couple of years ago before I got to be good friends with my friend Elizabeth (who has since moved across the world). It took us WAY too long to become friends after we knew each other, because by the time that happened, she moved away. Funny thing, though--she told me that she had been praying for probably the same thing you are describing. And I don't know if I was praying, but I was hoping and her praying turned out to be enough for both of us.

Sorry for the long and rambly comment, but just wanted to share how prayers are answered and longings like this DO get fulfilled, if only to be taken away again. But now I have a far-away friend and will surely find another one, or maybe a sister.

Anonymous said...

You hang on. You're not the only one who feels those things sometimes so don't feel alone! I wish we could hang out! Hold on to those principles. If the rainy storm won't let up, fine, go play in it baby. Rain and mud make for some free and fulfilling times. Then all of the sudden, boom, here comes the sun. Hope that wasn't too cheesy Beatles and Annie/The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow for you... but it's true!

Sneakers said...