Two handed

So tired. But it's my own dang fault for staying up late while the babe was asleep. I wait up to see Joel when he gets home for a few minutes. And then get up with Kai. I never said that I was very smart. But it is sometimes the only time I get stuff done. I am happy to report that despite being exhausted, I managed to get some cleaning and stuff done today. But not without the diligent help of what I have dubbed Kai's own personal circuit training course. Which consists of (which happen to strewn in a circular pattern around the room) his bumbo seat, floor mat with mobile, swing, and bouncy saucer thingy (all technical names) with a peppering of Grandpa time when he gets home from work. I might as well send the kid to Curves. We'll get those chubby thighs toned in no time.

I kid.

He does have the chubbiest (most adorable) thighs in the universe though.

And I practically collapsed as I served myself some food after hours of moving the baby around the room while cleaning. Which I thought would be rewarding and make for some good no guilt relaxing time with the kid tonight. But unfortunately I am having a major panic attack for some reason. I hate complaining about this stuff seeing as how I am spoiled and I just had to get the point where I tell my mom that anxiety is taking over and she takes the baby. Getting to that point where I can actually muster up the strength to ask for help is the hard part. And then I not only feel guilty for handing over my sweet child, but I miss him.

Back to the complaining, or better put maybe broadcasting that I am feeling like a crazy person. It helps. My anxiety is starting to melt as I type. Something Joel may never understand but supports as long as it keeps me sane and happy. He's a pretty private person. I, on the other hand, while I do not need to share everything......well, I don't really have any problems with it either. And sometimes, I do need to. Just like how I sometimes need to put words like need in italics every time to the point of self annoyance.

I need to get out of the house more often. The beef is, we have one car. Joel relaxes in the mornings, and also does important stuff like job hunting and leaves in the earlish afternoon. So sometimes we run errands but not always. I can use my parents car in the evenings.....but.....I let my license expire in Oregon. And didn't renew it. Because, we didn't have a car. And I publicly transited. And when we used the zipcar service it was in Joel's name. And I was large with child and just never got around to it. So I need to get it here and we are working out the insurance and registration and all that I need before I can do that. I'm a 30 year old wife and mother who is not licensed to drive at present and I am a loser. Who needs to get out more often. I'm sure I'm not the only at home mom who deals with this so I will shut up.

I'm feeling much better already. And you know what the best part is? TYPING WITH TWO HANDS. It feels amazing.

I can hear the sweet thing complaining upstairs. Time to go snuggle him.