Tonight

I sit up in bed with Kai drifting off to sleep on my shoulder. He is making his usual noises which consists mainly of him him bleating like a goat. This after nursing lazily for the millioneth today (not lazily though, he eats like a champ). I pray for longer stretches of sleep tonight and that my raw nipples have a little chance to recover. But I will take the pain as long as he is getting what he needs. I've heard enough to know what a blessing a good nurser can be. I still worry a little about the future but suddenly it has been reduced to 'as long as we can take care of this new creature' everything will be just fine. I feel unworthy and honored to be entrusted with such a task. He is perfect. I know so many who are striving for parenthood and struggling in this endeavor and my heart goes out to them. And I am reminded what a miraculous gift I have been given. At a time when we weren't quite ready. But I do believe that the Lord knows what we need and when. I also believe that he knows what we desire and how and when to fulfill those righteous desires. And to our aggravation at times, on what time table. I often feel that our current situation, the job I found here, the insurance and friends it gave us, were all in preparation for this. All other disappointments and frustrations aside, this one miracle would be provided for us, at this time. I pray that I will rise to the occasion of the responsibility it requires of me. I love him. And all the sore nipples, and 24 hours of labor, and 3 hours of pushing that I honestly didn't think I would endure, and all the not minor stitches up in my lady business (TMI?) to stop the not minor bleeding (no external tears surprisingly, all internal) that are keeping me sore these days only intensifies the devotion to this new person that came from inside me.

And he is awake again. And wants to eat. Surprise surprise. :)







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