Thursday, September 02, 2010

Birthing

Joel and I finally attended our first (of 5) Preparation for Birth classes this week. (Our first attempt didn't take, they had no record of us signing up. Lame.) And it was more enjoyable than I anticipated. Educational for sure. But mostly, the instructor is like something out of a Saturday Night Live sketch. I'm thinking.....played by Kristen Wiig. Slightly neurotic, spastic movements, exaggerated emphasis on things including an exaggerated lean forward and her wrists (not her hands) on her hips, and canned humor (I'm pretty sure she's been telling the same awkward jokes that nobody laughs at for the last 15 years that she's been doing this). She also knows her stuff, so not knocking her performance, in fact it makes things a tad more interesting. Aside from her demo of the baby emerging from her knitted uterus replica, I think our favorite was when she placed her hand firmly on her nether regions when demonstrating where some labor pains start and then leaving it there for some 10 minutes as she moved on to other topics. There are some other characters in there as well (though none raised their hand saying 'hold up-how does the milk get in the boob?' like in my boss's class). There is some great material for an Office-esque mockumentary in there. Of course this is how Joel sees the world: as possible material for tv or movies. Or his friend's stand-up comedy.

In other news, the baby is due in 6 weeks and while I am definitely uncomfortable at this point, I am also freaking out at the prospect of him actually arriving. The actually birthing (which I think is a wonderfully awkward word, don't you?) doesn't scare me. I'm happy in my naive bliss. And know myself and if I start thinking about it too much, it will be anxiety city, so I'm just going with the flow (and working on relaxation techniques in the meantime). The baby on the other hand? THAT'S scary. Can't wait to meet him, but scared out of my mind. To be perfectly honest, I'm awkward (I think I've used that word like five times already) around newborns. At least I feel that way. Not sure how the babies feel. I think it has to do with being afraid of breaking someone else's fragile infant in front of them. I'm sure it will be different with my own, at least I'm sure that I will learn. It just feels odd to me seeing as how my sisters have been doing this stuff for years, and at 30, I still am unsure what to do when they start crying.....(the babies, not the sisters).

It's kind of silly really, because, yes, I have taken care of nieces and nephews. I've fed them, clothed them, soothed them, play with them, put them to bed (unsuccessfully most of the time). But I do much better having impromptu dance parties with toddlers. As far as I know, day old babies aren't too keen on dancing. But I could be wrong.

So here's to figuring this whole parent thing out.


7 comments:

LuLuBelle said...

Newborns like singing and dancing. Especially at about 2:30 am.
You will be a great mom and you'll know what to do with your wee Kai when he arrives.

Amber and Mike said...

I'm pretty sure the description of your instructor could fit any birthing class in America. But by chance, is her name Barb? I loved Barb.

plantmyappletree said...

Hehe that class sounds fun, you wrote this so vivid that I laughed out loud reading it.

Hey, you know what: with your nieces and nephews you are "just" auntie. With your boy you are "magic mommy" and when everything fails, he will be quiet in your arms, since you are MOM and he loves you and your smell and your heartbeat :-)

It is only six weeks and we can see photos up here - oh I can't wait! All the best for you!!!

Jessica said...

It is different with your own kids. I must day I am dang good with even other people's newborns...but I wasn't before Maddie! I just have had a lot of practice. I was just as terrified and awkward around them before she was born. Then she came and I learned fast. A lot of mothers instinct and intuition just kicks in. You'll be great!

Chelsea said...

"I think our favorite was when she placed her hand firmly on her nether regions.... and then leaving it there for some 10 minutes as she moved on to other topics."

You're too cute.

Our birthing class instructor was pretty similar to her as well. She was actually there the night I delivered, which was sweet, and she gave me a lot of awesome care. She was one of the only nurses who was totally in support of my desire to birth naturally. She had done it too and said it was the best experience of her life. The other nurses were really quick to push me to get the drugs and pitosin. It's stressful. You'll do a great job and once he's here, you'll be so in love to worry about any awkwardness.

I remember the first few weeks when i was crazy trying to learn how to nurse, and be a new mom, and heal from my C-section, people kept asking me if i was getting any sleep and how i was doing. I remember thinking that when the baby cried, I just wanted to help him, and I totally ignored the fact that i was tired, or annoyed with the crying. I never felt burrdoned at all. Now though, when I hear that crying for his binky while we're trying to wean him of it, I'm like, "Kid, SHUT IT!" OR, If we're in public and he's crying and being a brat, I'll be like, "Conrad, no one likes a crying baby!" as loud as I can. That usually turns the frowns upside down when people are giving me crap and dirty looks.

anyway. you're going to be such a good mom and have such a great time.

Chelsea said...

"I think our favorite was when she placed her hand firmly on her nether regions.... and then leaving it there for some 10 minutes as she moved on to other topics."

You're too cute.

Our birthing class instructor was pretty similar to her as well. She was actually there the night I delivered, which was sweet, and she gave me a lot of awesome care. She was one of the only nurses who was totally in support of my desire to birth naturally. She had done it too and said it was the best experience of her life. The other nurses were really quick to push me to get the drugs and pitosin. It's stressful. You'll do a great job and once he's here, you'll be so in love to worry about any awkwardness.

I remember the first few weeks when i was crazy trying to learn how to nurse, and be a new mom, and heal from my C-section, people kept asking me if i was getting any sleep and how i was doing. I remember thinking that when the baby cried, I just wanted to help him, and I totally ignored the fact that i was tired, or annoyed with the crying. I never felt burrdoned at all. Now though, when I hear that crying for his binky while we're trying to wean him of it, I'm like, "Kid, SHUT IT!" OR, If we're in public and he's crying and being a brat, I'll be like, "Conrad, no one likes a crying baby!" as loud as I can. That usually turns the frowns upside down when people are giving me crap and dirty looks.

anyway. you're going to be such a good mom and have such a great time.

The Wi Family said...

You both will be awesome! And I do totally think it's different with your own kids!! (I promise you will not get annoyed with your own like you do mine ;) at least not at first!)