Wednesday, July 22, 2009

For reals this time

That last post really helped release some aggression. And as Joel said earlier today whilst he was taking a break from studying and I from being a stress case/applying for jobs/not sleeping/cleaning the kitchen furiously to keep from crying/crying......

"I'm glad to have you back"

Because we were being our ridiculous silly selves. Again. Really ridiculous. I think I am hilarious btw.

And I had really let this HR dude get to me. If you only knew.

Replaying this scenario warms my heart. And I may have had 3 jobs not 2 weeks ago that somehow disappeared due to circumstances more or less out of my control. All because I couldn't see what would happen one day into the future. And I still can't. A fact that both frightens and excites me.

Joel may pass the bar (because he is very capable of doing so) and he may not (because very capable people don't pass too). And he may take it again, and he may not. And he may work as an attorney, or for the foreign service (somewhere exotic), or do something not so exciting for awhile in a not so exciting place while we lay tracks for the future, or we may make our own brand of t-shirts (our fall back). And I may find a job tomorrow to get us over this hump, or we may live off of Big D and Lady Di's food storage (the grandparent's Harris for those who don't know).

When you get down to it there's this: We have a beautiful place to live in for a bit (thanks to Lady Di and Big D-love to the Dominican Republic), we have food to eat, Joel has an excellent education, and a very impressive brain. We are creative. I sometimes even get paid to take pictures. We have a knowledge of the big picture and we have faith, that is augmented all the time. That is what I am most grateful for at this time. Growing in our faith as we start our lives together.

We have each other.

Sometimes I look at my parents who have raised their children so well, and not without their struggles. And I wonder if I will be that strong. I see that in my sisters as well. If I lose it over this one scenario, what will happen when we struggle and have little mouths to feed, little people to nurture.

I can only imagine that this feeling of peace, after the storm of stress and frustration, of sharing my faith for the future and it's blessings with my husband will only grow with each new precious life. That this is what makes a family a family.


LuLuBelle said...

I love this post and that last one too. You are hilarious and beautiful and silly and smart and blessed. And lots of other things too that I'd add if I had your talent for writing and wasn't so tired.

Rachel said...

Amen, Sister. I'm happy for you and your little family.