Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Do you see what I see?

Sometimes I feel so completely validated and sometimes I wonder if people see me at all. I know that they do. Just not the ones you want to sometimes. Thus is life. I think the entire concept of self perception and how we view one another is amazing. How we make judgements based on superficial things, no matter who we are. It is human nature. Those opinions can change in an instant, or over a lifetime as we interact with one another, but there is always the initial impression that guides our relations somewhat.

I once dated a guy for a short time who took me to dinner with his family. A nice family. He later asked his parents what they thought of me, and they both said that I was nice, cute, blah, blah, blah, but that mostly they saw a lot of strength in me. I thought that a strange perception for a first meeting, but it has intrigued me ever since. And has helped me recognize the strength in myself. Very soon after, he got kinda weird and handled things very badly. And wondered why I didn't want to be best friends after he promised me he wasn't going anywhere, even if he did have to be persistent (I take my time sometimes). And as soon as I started being comfortable with the situation, literally ditched me for two weeks at Christmas. I wasn't mean, just reminded him of that strength and that I am not a doormat. He never really saw me in the first place, although he thought he did. I have that issue with men. Some of it's my own fault. This diplomatic nature of mine makes them think we have everything in common. Which isn't the end all, but counts.

And then again, it is said that what you spend your time on makes up much of who you are. It is in this manner that I learned to call myself a photographer. And an artist. Of unconventional forms at times, but I am all the same. These things are what make up my thoughts and actions (though not as much as I would like sometimes) as well as my ambitions.

When I have these moments of self reflection and frustration for never being seen, I find so much solice in the knowledge of being known by God. I know way too many people that question that relationship between God and his children, or even that He exists. I couldn't imagine living this life not knowing that he sees my joys and my sorrows. And gets it. All.

I'm excited for Christmas and have been reflecting on this kinship quite a bit. The life of Christ. Gifts from God. And the promises I have in this life.

Really, the Lord sees me. My friends see me. My family does as well. Guys not so much.

Ah well. Whatcha gonna do? 3 outta 4 isn't so bad.

(well that certainly was interesting and disjointed. And why I love blogging. You just never know what you're going to get).

1 comment:

LuLuBelle said...

I see a plethora of female pulchritude. Add to that witty, creative, loving, somtimes untidy, lofty in character and stature, bilingual fashionista. And wait folks, that's not all...she can sing too.