Monday, August 06, 2007

Sometimes I'm needy

Yesterday, I sat with a friend's mother in RS. Friend, we'll call her Frances, (because that's her name)had to sit up with the presidency. Friend's mother was lovely. It made me think. I love my Mom. That's what I thought. Also that I would love my mom to come to RS with me. Especially our RS. I never really pushed it before (so no guilt tripping here mother) but it occured to me that part of my frustrations in being single is the not really being able to share my life with my family. Sure I tell them about my life, but the fact of the matter is, much of it is wrapped up in my friends and ward. These are the people that see me in the day to day. Perhaps it's because I'm sorta big on sharing what's important to me (I want my friends to be friends with each other), or because I really am a big open book. I have this inexplicable need to share my life with those around me.

Anywho, yesterday at church I started thinking about all this and how there is this large part of my life that the people most important to me really know very little about. And I was a little melonchally. It may or may not have been triggered by a case of the female crazies that attacked me that morning (a whole nother post....not fair that I get crazy on a regular schedule) but partially just something I've been pondering. In general.

Am I silly and needy for wanting this? I really do love my life and the people in it. I realize that not everyone whould want to share such things as they are more private than I. And that's fine. I also realize why when family is in town that priority goes to the marrieds and their children. It all makes perfect sense as far as planning and accomodations and all. This just doesnt help the cause of the singles feeling as if they haven't anything worthwhile going on unless they have these before mentioned things.

Also, I kinda suffer from middle child syndrome in my family. Apart from being the single one, I don't really press on these issues. So I bring it on myself. I hate feeling like a crazy person.

Also, rest assured that my family is great. However, they may or may not be obligated to attend church with me when next in town.


Mikie said...

It's always refreshing how authentic you are on your blog, Sarah.

I can appreciate your perspective here, too. I spent a little time at a family reunion of sorts this past Saturday-- it was all my mom's cousins. Mostly people I'd never met before. A few of the older ladies talked to me a bit, but you can guess what about. Actually it amused me a bit, but it illustrates a point.

Mom's cousin: "Are you married?"
Me: "Nope."
Mom's cousin: "Do you have a girlfriend?"
Me: "Nope."
(obvious look of concern in her 70-some-odd-year-old eyes)
Mom's cousin: "Do you DATE?"
Me: "yeah..." (code for "once in a while", hehe)
Mom's cousin: "Did your heart get broken?"
Me: "No, not really."
Mom's cousin: "Everyone get's their heart broken at some time..."
She continued by trying to reassure me "well, don't worry, it'll happen some day."

(I'm sure there was a "how old are you" there right near the beginning of the conversation... hence the look of grave concern, hehe).

I've never met this woman before in my life-- but that's it. This is what was important to her-- whether I was married or not. And so that's how I tend to feel about functions with extended family-- nothing worthwhile about my life to share unless it has to do with a significant other/spouse/kids. *shrugs* It's fine, I don't love them less, I just miss the days when that wasn't the only important thing, that's all. :)

I think it's awesome that you have such a desire to share your life with your family, though. I tend to be more stingy unless it's something I really believe they'll care about, so props for wanting to share :) said...

Let's see . . .
Middle child - Check
All siblings married with children - Check
Sometimes I feel your pain. I am the only one that lives near my parents so I can understand the world stopping when one of my siblings come to town.

What is a little hard is when I am over and they pray for everyone in order, until they skip me, move on to the younger siblings family and put me in last like I am an after-thought.

I don't think they do this on purpose. It's all good though.

Britten said...

Don't worry - you can be the oldest, married, with 3 kids and still be totally crazy and suffer from syndromes. Happens to the best of us :)

And of course I don't blame you at all for wanting to spend more time with your family cuz they're cool, and hey, I want to spend more time with them too.

You know what I think? These "people" who think that there must be something wrong with you if you're not married yet...well, they're uncomfortable with this because that means that either 1) You're gay or 2)You're just happy being you and they are convinced that they themselves would not be "complete" without their spouse (rolls eyes) and were miserable beforehand and/or 3)single people have too much crazy shenanigan fun and they are jealous :)

Sarita said...

And that folks is why Britten is at the top of my Favorite People Even Though They're Married list.

Congrats Britten.

Rachel said...

I am learning to be assertive. I think what you wrote falls under this category in that oftentimes you only get what you ask for. Sometimes the middle child has to ask a little more, and I'm okay with that.

SummerChild said...

I miss our little relief society so much. i haven't been to church since leaving Utah. I may be inactive. I also love my family and miss them. You are a darling. lovelovelove suvi

Britten said...

Whoo-hoo! I'm at the top of the list folks!! I'm so darn special :D