Friday, April 06, 2007

Here's looking at you kid...

Recently I have been thinking about what absurdities people put themselves through in the quest to feel loved. I sometimes wonder how much the effort is worth.

My grandparents were high school sweethearts who married before his mission (back in the day that was permissible...sometimes). She saw him off at the station when he ventured to the land of Mexico.
With tears streaming down both their faces, she held his hand through the car window as she ran along side the train until she couldn't keep up any longer and had to let him go.

Something straight out of a Cary Grant movie, no? With the steam of the train and all I bet. Of course it helps that they looked like movie stars (and still do in their own right).
These two are as in love and affectionate as ever. Even if they do keep talking about all their friends that are dying. I told them that they have a long stretch to go yet. Grandpa admitted that they should be around long enough to see all the grandchildren marry, which I took as an excuse to stay single as long as possible. Never mind that I have a 6 year old cousin.

This does make me wonder, however, where is this movie romance for so many others? IE: Me.
I see so many put themselves through so much in an effort to feel loved, normal, or the sweet release of parents breathing down their backs (my own lovely parents excepted of course).

My sweet, darling, spunky, smart and dare I say lovely friend keeps getting set up by her parents. Recently went on a date wherein the guy who she met up with had long greasy hair, super long fingernails that she could only guess what were used for, and he handed her the check when it came. She swore off blind dates after that.

I think back to guys that I have fathomed that I could possibly like if not only for the reason that they expressed interest in me and wonder what I was thinking. The one who literally told me that he liked that I was older so that I could take care of him (still living off his parents). There was the one that once upon a time asked me out to a strip club (so I never considered him, but still giggle when I think of his pickup line.....something to do with my parents being terrorists and myself, the bomb). I met a girl recently who is not exactly LDS and went out with a guy who is but kinda hid the fact. He stated that he was a fence sitter but would consider marrying in the temple as "it gives girls bragging rights". I was enfuriated...this girl who has rejected the church was pissed off even at his stupidity. I realize that not everyone is so disappointing, but how difficult is it to find someone on the same wavelength as yourself? Very. And even more so to actually meet these individuals. Which is why I am, yet again, determined to stop beating myself up over the fact. But rather surround myself with interesting people.

When darling Kimberly got married this past month, I was following her around with the camera (pictures to come soon, I promise) and marveled with my self proclaimed favorite aunt, Tina, at how perfect they are for each other. Kim is quirky in the most wonderful of ways, and Matt is a perfect fit. I'm not so into settling for less than that.

Pretty much bites when one is handling it alone. Don't get me wrong, I don't live in this fantasy world (well I actually do, but also am realistic) where I am convinced that marriage or even a blasted relationship is all roses all the time. Just the comfort of having a support system that seems so appealing, among other things. It think that is pretty normal thought in my present situation of suffering bouts of depression followed by stretches of determination. In the meantime, it's just me, Sarah Plain and Tall, taking care of business.

1 comment:

Rachel said...

Tall, but I wouldn't say plain. No, the literary reference is not lost on me.