Reflections

So, our dear friend Courtney is not getting married in July as planned, but instead going on a mission. It was quite the shocker, but a decision all felt good about. Even Bob. He's had better days, but is very supportive. They are content to wait and see what happens. And she is excited as all get out. It's been fun and a little nostalgic talking to her about her preparations and anticipations. Until the wee hours of the morning. And has sent me into a fit of reflections.

I cherish the experience which was my mission. It wasn't all roses, but something spectacular all the same. I don't necessarily have regrets stemming from those 18 months, but have shared with Court some of the things it took me a while to learn.

In our Spanish speaking zone, we worked hard. It was expected. We exceeded the hours of the entire remainder of the mission, rarely took any kind of break, and scheduled our days something fierce. I recall beating myself up over a day poorly planned, because we didn't have a plan B for a specific appointment. And being so concerned with numbers, and hours, and schedules, that I was exhausted. Also having these extreme expectations from my companions. I felt inadequate if I couldn't recall a certain scriptural reference a the drop of the hat.

Courtney expressed some concerns to me about her gospel knowledge. I explained that what I had learned was this: being prepared is good, important even, but cannot compare to being prepared spiritually. I know the girl to have a very balanced and grounded understanding of the gospel, and most importantly, the atonement. That is what will serve her more than memorizing scriptures. Numbers serve well in assessing what you are doing and where you might more adequately focus your efforts. But numbers are just numbers.

I think that some of my fellow missionaries were appalled that in the end, I could care less about rushing to finish our new study certification. I stopped judging myself based on my status (which in the mission tends to consist of what certification you have received, people baptized, positions held). I followed our study schedule, but in order to learn, and not to have my named called at the next zone meeting.

I loved that we had this zone with a history of such a work ethic. A good portion of the mission wasn't as dedicated, so I am grateful for the precedent set. But I let it kinda blind me. I've always been a pretty laid back person, but it is through these experiences that I have learned to live my own life, and not the one that you feel is expected of you. A degree is still something I am working towards, and an accomplishment, but I wouldn't trade my life experience thus far for the most prestigious of degrees.

_______________________

I went to Provo Tuesday with Courtney to visit Bob. We of course ate at Cafe Rio while he was finishing up in class. The guy at the register was taking a poll. He asked how long I felt is reasonable for a couple to wait to have children. I gave a copout answer, stating it depends on the couple, it's a personal decision. But then he reiterated...."But what would you do?". I surprised even myself as my demeanor suddenly changed, "Look. I just turned 26, and have no clue when or to who I might be married.....and so when it happens, I'm probably not going to purposely put it off. But I can't really be sure." He looked a little surprised and asked about a 21-22 year old couple. "Oh, take your time then!". I felt a little bad and silly, amd hoped I didn't come off as an embittered single. I just think that working in a prenatal clinic is getting to me. And I need to think a little more before I speak.