Friday, April 02, 2010

True Confessions

Today, I feel awful. After a short sabbatical, the nausea came back full force last night and hasn't let up. I'm tired, my eyes are bloodshot, and I'm cold (its very rainy today). I've been stressed about the future. The situation is that we are living in Joel's grandparents home while they are on a mission in the DR (until November). It's been a huge blessing. But sometime in the next 6 months, something has to pan out job wise for Joel, (worse time to graduate from law school, ever....which has been fine so far, I'm working and he has been able to focus on the bar exam, and look for work), we have to obtain all the essentials for this baby, not to mention find a place to live. And I'm stressing out about turning 30 in 2 weeks. Something that I didn't really expect. Also, I am super hormonal, and stopped my medication that helped with depression and anxiety cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant. Whoo-hoo!

So, it's really not that big a surprise that when I watch some old episodes of Glee during down time at work that I happen to lose it. Especially when they contain the saga of a teenage couple having a baby, with no money, and the mother to be getting thrown out of the house. When Finn sings to Quinn (his way of telling her parents that he knocked up their daughter...which he really didn't he's just naive and she slept with his best friend...why do I love this show so much?) I started bawling:

And then when the entire Glee club sings Lean on Me in support of the expecting couple I lost it again:

It's true. I did.

But in case you are concerned that I don't see the obvious differences in our situations, don't worry. I do comprehend that I am not a knocked up teenager. I'm a soon to be 30 year old sharing this experience with my dear husband, if not just a little earlier than we expected. I know the financial stuff will work out. I am blessed with an easy job with great insurance. Things could be so so so much worse. (Seriously parents, how did you not just have a 9 month panic attack at 19 and 21 expecting a child?) I have great family and friends. And am missing a lot of them in my life right now. I'm just a little bit of a crazy hormonal mess at the moment. Which means I cry over sappy musical sitcom dramas.

It means a lot to know that I have people to lean on.

Also, how does one not have a minor panic attack when the doctor takes forever to find the baby's heartbeat?

Also, I'm glad that we are having a baby.


Amber and Mike said...

If you ever want a cathartic, gluten-free ice cream binge you should walk down the block to my house. We could watch Glee too! Babies love ice cream and Glee.

jaime said...

I totally cry in that show and I'm not even hormonal preggo, so at least you have an excuse :-)
Also, 30 isn't so bad. I think there is so much hype for that age that you mentally start preparing yourself way before you turn 30. The hard one for me was turning 31 cause that meant I was totally in my 30's!

Evan and Holly said...

When Evan and I had Kyle we had 650 sq feet in our apartment with one bedroom. I learned with Kyle, that you don't need a lot. We used a porta-crib with changing table attachment, car seat, stroller, and a 8 cube shelf for him until he was over a year old. So, even if you are stuck in a small space and worried about financial. Just let me tell you, that you don't need to buy into the hype (even though it is all so cute) and have all the baby stuff.

Just think, you can be like us and have more money the second time around and get all the things you wish you had the first time---like a changing table, crib, and rocker. :)

It always worries me too when they can't find the heartbeat. Then you realize, it is a little thing moving around like crazy in there and could be anywhere. It gets easier.

Sarita said...

amber...i will take you up on that anytime. ANY TIME.

And you guys are rockstars, Holly. Thank you so much for the words of encouragement.

gurrbonzo said...

Oh, friend. There is nothing wrong with being broke and reproducing. Remember the Sacajawea theory: all newborns need are boobs and everything else is marketing. Seriously. I am great at pep talks about these things so let me know when you need one. Really.

Sarita said...

Oh gurrbonzo, I just might take you up on that. Im so glad that Joel went to law school with you so that we could be world wide web buddies.

LuLuBelle said...

I love the Sacajawea theory! It's true!!
In answer to the other 19 and 21 we didn't know better...too young to know we should have been more stressed. We didn't have anything when Jessica was born and look how great she turned out. (and the next 3 too)